HOW TO PREPARE YOURSELF TO GET PROMOTION AT WORKPLACE

Promotion is a form of recognition for employees for their work performance. You can take certain steps to become a prime candidate to get desired promotion. Let me ask you a question are you wondering how to get promotion at work. If you have been working in a company for sometime what could you do to move up the ladder. I have been talking to lots of professionals who are getting seamless promotions and also in touch with others who did not get promotion for quiet sometime. I had a lots of conversations with HR professions as what is the right way and time to get promotion. So I am sharing  six strategies and I promise you they will work like magic.

1. Understand your boss and act like a boss – 

    It does not matter you like your boss or not but he or she is the important person at your work place. Understand his or her style of working. Don’t think like your coworkers but think a few steps ahead. know the problem ,solve problem for your boss before it actually comes up and not just doing whatever you are asked to do but thinking just a few steps ahead. When you do that you naturally get promoted a lot faster.

2. Avoid office gossips and politics – 

            There are  always people who belong to kind of this group or that group and they are talking shit and backstab others. If you want to grow then don’t try to do this because people on top will see through it. So avoid all those things. Focus on what you do ,do well, help your colleagues, help your coworkers, support them , help them grow, then it’ll  become very nice positive momentum.

  3.   Know your motivation – 

          Get clear what a promotion means to you, what it  looks like, what  it feels like, is it Status change or  increase in role scope and role responsibility, is it more money ? Main thing is you can’t tell people what you want if you don’t  know yourself. So know the exact motivation behind promotion.

  4. Understand the rule of the company –  

          You need to understand what are the HR policies, what are the key dates and miles stones. If you put your head down, work hard, pick up extra project and worked during weekends and still you did not get promotion. Then you are really frustrated. But you need to understand  what competency you need to show, what kind of deliverables need to be delivered ,really getting clear what you looks like the person who deserves a promotion. Promotion is not about you but it is about the organization. It’s about you being able to step up and add more value and give even more to the organization in a different capacity. So you need to know how you can shine your strength, who needs to know about you , who need to know about the work you do and who needs to know what you want from your future. When ever you get the chance to take more responsibility, take it just to show that you are right person  for this position . This is going to show your boss that you are capable.

 5. Make your boss aware that you need promotion – 

          You need to do is to sit down with your boss and let them know that you are interested in promotion, you can not assume just because you are working hard and you are doing a great  job that people know that you even want that promotion. He can not read your mind. He does not  know where  you see yourself, so don’t be afraid to share, tell him, this is my career path, how do you feel about that. Paint a vision for them and also show them your accomplishments and  this will allow them to know more about your journey, how the company would get more benefit out of your experience. If they say no for now, whatever it is , then don’t get disheartened, but you should not  walk away with no, you walk away with okay. How do we make this happen, ask for coaching ,ask for guidance, don’t be afraid, ask what books you recommend me to read, what courses you recommend me to take, what experience and expectation you have for that person in this position. But most people never ask this. Also share this with your coworker selectively , may be they will be able to help you on your path as well. Then you can do gap analysis. What do you need to learn. What are the knowledge gaps ,what are the relationship gaps. mindset, what is important for the company and so on.

6. Establish relationship across the organization –

         I want you to up your visibility. Spend some time with your coworker to get to know each other. May be the boss likes your work and he wants to promote you but if all the managers are saying no, guess what you are not getting the promotion, now I am not talking about being a people pleaser but I talking about maintain good relationship with everyone at least few are comfortable with you. So when your name is brought up in the meetings, they back you by saying  she would be perfect for that new role or he would be more than capable .You need other people to back you up. You should keep on maintaining relations with them by having conversation on lunch or tea break, wishing them on birthdays , inviting them on dinner , just smiling or greeting them good morning or say hi or hello  or may be helping them when they need your help. Remember one thing you should not do this one or two days before promotion ,this is not genuine, you need to do that  ahead of time.

 If you think there is toxic atmosphere at your work place. Then I will suggest you float your resume in job market and try to get job in good organization. I hope these tips help you to get the promotion you deserve.

DO NOT GIVE AWAY YOUR POWER

We can’t control our circumstances but we can control our reactions. There will be times when things will not be as we want, people will not speak nice words to us ,may be sometimes they demean us or say bad about us. But the questions arises, why we should not give away our power ?  What should we do to maintain peaceful state of mind ?

It is fact that many times situation will not be favorable and people will say something which we will not like. I am sure many of you must have experienced this in your life time, when you complain about the behavior of some relative to your spouse and you hope that your spouse will take your side but to your surprise you get the opposite reaction .Then you feel very bad. This doesn’t happen once but every time this person demean you. You either try to escape yourself by leaving that place , avoiding going to their home , you simply cry , argue with your spouse or discuss with others by recreating that scene again and again.

Now the question arises what should I do ? In my opinion if it is a serious issue then take the help of others, but if it is not that big issue then do not  try to prove them anything or explain your point of view. Because it will be great possibility that they will not listen you or understand you. There are lots of ways we give away our power and here I’ll discuss what we should do in those situations, which I have learnt from my own experiences, reading books and also following Joel Osteen, Jullia and many others and I don’t remember their names exactly, but I’ll  share here what I learnt from them. 

  1.  First and foremost is that everyone has the right to express their views . You can not force anyone to think in certain way. Expect from everyone to like you and say nice words about you. As it is  a fact that you also do not like everyone and your own opinion about every one is not always nice. So give them benefit of doubt. If they are really saying something bad then you have the right to maintain your calm state of mind by blessing them, just smiling or ignoring what they are saying by not giving them reactions as they desire.
  2.  People and situation around us are the manifestation of our own vibration. If you want change then shift your vibration by controlling your negative thoughts and then gradually your vibration will change.
  3. Start believing in yourself. If you are insecure, you don’t love yourself , you don’t not know who you are then small small things will effect you. The day when you’ll become self confident, secure, know your true value, nothing will effect you anymore. It will not happen overnight. but spirituality, self help books, positive affirmations, trainings and seminars in this regard will help.
  4. Next way of giving away our power is by people pleasing. Let’s take the example of family or friend because you want to help them and make them happy, Whenever you see them unhappy for quiet sometime then you feel that it is your responsibility to build up their happiness but if they want to be unhappy, they can be unhappy, what we usually do is that we get involved in their unhappiness that we destroy our own natural joy, then we are giving away our power. But it is our responsibility to make our self happy as it is our birth right is to feel happy .
  5.   Next  way is to losing our power is by seeking validation from others. When you like impress so and so it may be your friend, family, colleagues, boss or any body, you do it to get good feeling. You are doing this, give me validation so that I can feel okay because I am incredibly insecure. , Next time don’t try to impress others, when you do this push yourself back, remember you are diving somebody think that you are not good enough. Here my suggestion is that you  should impress only one person and that person is you . this is a beautiful relationship that you can have with yourself.
  6. You don’t realize how powerful you are. You are afraid to communicate your truth, if you do this then you are afraid that  your boy friend, girl friend or partner might walk, If he or she does this then it’s a good thing for you because it shows that this person is not good for you. In this situation  you should say I am not going to allow this to effect me and how can I do things differently so that it does not happen again and what lesson I have learnt. 
  7.   Next way of loosing our power is by following self pity. Lets us say someone had said not nice things to us and then we do negative self talk in our mind and once our mind get going then it will keep on moving in that direction and we feel horrible because we have given power to our mind for blaming the external situation . Instead of this take your responsibility by not giving power to your mind for creating this kind of thoughts. 
  8. By trying to control others it can be your spouse, family member, friend or any body , you control with better intention because  you want to change someone’s life and want to see best for people., when you put your happiness, your potential , your power in their growth and if they don’t grow and they are not taking all the information that you have given to them  you feel horrible, Remember one thing ,its not your responsibility to help them to grow. 
  9.  There are some people around us who are energy sucking vampires, I am sounding mean but I am sure you must be knowing some of them. These energy sucking vampires are looking for conflict and negative situation so that they can feed in. So every time when you react to those people either they said something bad to you or did something whatever it is. Every time  you react either getting into argument or fighting back to them, teaching them a lesson. Every time you react to those people you are give away your own power. You invest in them your own energy. Afterwards you feel bad because these people feed in your energy field ,they make holes in your aura and you feel depleted. So I want you to understand this every time you react, you destroy yourself , you don’t learnt your lesson. And the situation is going to come to your life again and again and will try to teach you a lesson. So I suggest you to start being aware to cut yourself from the situation when you want to react.
  10. You are a soul having human experience. Your soul is complete, secure and happy. It is your EGO that is telling you no you are not enough and those people are trying to take away something from you. They are trying to be better than you. They are trying to put you down ,it is all in your head.
  11. Once you master to love yourself that you are enough just the way you are. You are amazing, you are precious, you are unique. Nothing will effect you.

So I would like you to stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself where are you giving away your power, and what you need to do differently I will suggest you to conserve your time and energy for greater things. Believe me Time will prove everything. But focus on maintaining your peace.

HOW TO BALANCE HAPPY CHEMICALS

When you feel good your brain is releasing happy chemical. We want this good feeling all the time. But your happy chemicals are not designed to be on all the time. These chemicals are serotonin, oxytocin, endorphin, dopamine.

When our body is fit, diet is good, digestion is good, our routine is good then these are naturally balanced. Actually our life style decide whether these are balanced or not.

If these chemicals are imbalanced it shows in your behavior, in your mood. If you aren’t happy, one reason might be  the chemicals in your brains are not producing enough feel good hormones to make you happy.

Now the question arises what we should not do if these are imbalanced.

1.       Do not do overeating.

2.       Do not indulge in any kind of addiction . Addiction means the habit which you like to repeat again and again to feel good and you can not stop yourself to indulge in it . It can be spending lots of time on social media, shopping, too much gaming, smoking, drinking or taking drugs. these are not healthy cope up mechanism.

3.   Sometimes people cut communications with others, they do not talk to people, isolate themselves and sit lonely. They think that this is their cope up mechanism, By doing so your issues or reasons of your stress, anxiety will not be resolved. Your problem will remain there.

If you want to actually resolve your problems then talk to your  friends, family member, counsellor or life coach . You should talk to them any issue of your life it may be your relationship issues, financial issues, career issue, marriage issues, any confusion or emotional disturbance, just talk out that. I will suggest do not use negative cope up mechanism but use positive cope up mechanism so that the chemicals in your brains remain balanced.

1. Serotonin

This hormone stabilizes your mood. e.g when we say that  I have a very bad mood today. It means your serotonin is not balanced.

   But when you think that you are important or when someone else make you feel important then this hormone is increased. It also gives you feeling of importance.

•       If  serotonin is releasing properly then you always feel happy, then you sleep well. You will be in relaxed state of mind.

•       If your serotonin level is low then you feel anxious, panic. You will have so many phobia or fear You can be depressed, you will have sleep disturbance and  food crabbing especially of carbohydrate,

•       You can increase it by lowering sugar intake, eat citric fruits ,sun exposer, walk in nature, by doing swimming, cycling, running  and do regular meditation.

•       Say for instance If you had argument with your partner, Generally women remain in that state of mind and feel low and in bad mood throughout the day  but men go out and meet with different people and their mood changes, when they come home they are in lighter mood and most of the time it is easy for them to say sorry. So for Next time if you are not in good mood, do not stuck in your couch or bed but get up and be ready , go out for walk and meet your friends. Believe me The change of scenery will change your mood .

2. Dopamine

It is increased during pleasure, It gives adrenal push for your achievement. If it is  in excess then you will remain over motivated.

•    When it is less, continuously you have mood swings, feeling of hopelessness, irritability, and laziness.

•       Dopamine is triggered by the acts of short term pleasure .It is addictive because you always want more.

•   Dopamine is reward chemical. It is released after completing a task, doing selfcare activities, Eating food, celebrating wins, listening music and doing meditation.

•       If you want to boost dopamine in healthy way then set small goals for yourself, it can be your academic  goals, relationship goals or career goals etc. make small small goals, achieve them, then feel happy after completing it. Then again set next bench mark to achieve next goal it will boost your dopamine naturally.

3. Oxytocin

Oxytocin is that chemical which releases in your brain which is associated with love. We also call it love hormone. It generate empathy in you, bonding, care ,attachment with other person,. It can help you fight in depression.

Oxytocin is released  while playing with a baby, playing with a pet ,holding hands, hugging your family, giving and receiving  compliments

•       Oxytocin allows us to become social creature because it creates empathy in us  .

•       If you want to increase it then you have to talk to people, communication with them, when you give gifts, serve them, help them, talk sweetly with someone, if someone hugs you, you give hug to someone, when you meet new people, when you eat together ,share good moments with them, playing with pets or  if you go to spa then your oxytocin is increased.

4.  Endorphin

Endorphin is the  pain  killer which relieves your stress or anxiety naturally. 

•       If it is low then you will have back pain, food cravings, you will easily feel more emotional .

•        Endorphin is released watching a comedy, doing laughter exercise, using essential oils ,dance and exercise.

   I would like you to take a piece of paper write down your daily routine activities. Now make some life style changes to balance your hormones. It will create happiness in your life. Then gradually  gratitude, compassion, acceptance, forgiveness,  mindfulness , physical fitness, eating healthy food  and meditation will become part of your life style.

  I’ll  suggest you to do this everyday. Believe me it really works. Some time ago ,one of my friend shared one video to me. It was a ted talk , I don’t remember the name of that person. But It really helped me. I am sharing here almost exactly what he shared in that video.

When you wake up tomorrow morning before you step on floor, think of 5 people in your life you are grateful for . Let me guide you what you have to do. First sit on your bed and close your eyes for two minutes

Think of one  person you are grateful for. Think of many ways this person has touched your life and send your silent gratitude to this person.

•       Now think of second person, look into the eyes of this person, notice the colour of his or her eyes and then send silent gratitude.

•       Now think of third person go back to the first memory of this person and then send your silent gratitude.

•       Think of forth person imagine this person is very happy where he or she is right now and then send your silent gratitude.

•       Think of someone who is passed away whom you loved , give that person your virtual hug and send gratitude to that person.

•       And now go back in time look back to yourself when you were a child say 8 to 10 years old, notice your hairstyle at that time and send silent gratitude to your 8 or 10 years old self.   When you are ready you can open your eyes. It is the first activity of your day it will help you to focus on what is most important in your life. Then start your day by following physical fitness routine ,eating healthy breakfast and don’t forget to keep yourself hydrated through out the day.

When you reach at office and when come to criticisms at work place then we should realize that it is not about us but about our performance at work place. Then we should make required improvement in our performance to meet the goal of the organization. During day time when  your self esteem is low, think about three people who care about you.

 When you come back home after long tiring day, for 15 to 30 minutes give full attention to your family. Enter your home with a smile on your face. Don’t attend any phone or check email immediately reaching at your home. If anything important then try to finish it before entering your home. This fifteen or 30 minutes are for your family whom you are meeting after couple of hours. This way they will feel important and your relations with them will improve and you can have peaceful environment at home.

 But if you are living alone then make sure before leaving home  you should make your bed each day. When after long tiring day you enter your home, you feel relaxed and positive because your home is neat and organized . Then wear comfortable clothes , eat or drink something while listening good music, connect with friends and family. Try to sleep early so that you get enough rest.

So these are few ways which will help you to balance these chemicals naturally. If there is any serious issue then please take advise of expert.

Easy New Year Resolutions Ideas For 2021

New year is finally around the corner.What we all generally do is making our new year resolution. But strange thing is that we break most of the resolutions in couple of days or weeks. Very few people achieve their goals.

Let me share some of resolutions from my list as well as my friends list.

–          Eating healthy food

–          Going to walk, starting Yoga or following some kind of fitness routine

–          Starting Meditation

–          Reading  more books

–          Quit smoking or drinking

–          Getting up early

–          Cleaning room

–          Spending more time in nature

–          Becoming more confident

–          Stop Procrastinating

–          Learn new skill

–          Time Management

–          Career,financial,relationship goals and the list goes on…

Today I will discuss best plan for new year resolution 2021 which I used in year 2020.Last year I thought why I used to  break my new year resolutions. Then I asked myself following questions.

What I really want from my life ?

Which activities are taking away my time ?

Which emotions are draining my energy ?

What should I do in 2020 to make difference in my life ?

This was my new year resolution for 2020. It helped me know myself better and improved my capabilities,of course I am still working on it . But it was an amazing experience.

I realized that  I always wanted something big from my life but I was not making proper strategy to achieve them and was not very keen to learn something new.Opinion of some people was draining my energy.I started observing my thoughts and also labeled them. Then I learnt how to pause and shift unimportant thoughts. Now Saturday is my no whining day.On this day I don’t complain. And Sunday is me time, on this day I do digital detox, spend time with myself. This  Me time helped me know what is going in my mind.

Earlier when I used to make mistakes then I used to say enough is enough, I am not going to do this. But in year 2020 I realized the importance of being consistent and learnt how to take small small steps each day and later  it became my life style. I will give you one example that now I get up early everyday and best thing is that I don’t need alarm clock but my passion is enough to wake me up.

Now I don’t need the approval of others as it used to take away my motivation of achieving certain goals.Now I kill the objections in advance. I have searched like minded people and I used to write the name of three or four people who can actually help me and then I immediately  approach them.

Now I analysis my past performance and also I set daily two or three purposeful task which brings me close to my main goal. For this I use time block technique for hours, days and week. I have assigned which task I am going to do which day of the week and also allocated time for each task.

This has helped me to understand what kind of discipline is required to achieve my goal, what sacrifices I have to do and what are the habits which I have to develop. Most important is that what are the skills that I have to learn. Earlier New Year Resoultion was  used to be my to do list,without any proper action plans. And there was no strategy to adjust as per necessity and situation if things do not go as per my choice.

The year 2020 was very tough for all of us due to corona virus pandemic.Lots of us must have experienced massive shifts in our life.I was somebody who love to meet people and visit places of my choice.But due to Lockdown we were asked to lock ourself and even after lockdown movement is being restricted. At that time I had no idea how to reach out people. But the year 2020 has opened up my eyes to entire world of digital extisence. Today  you all out there are  reading my blog. Through Webnier, YouTube,Podcast and instagram I also connect with you.It’s a wonderful experience.

I am again using the same technique for year 2021. i.e.

What I really want from my life ?

Which activities are taking away my time ?

Which emotions are draining my energy ?

What should I do in 2021 to make difference in my life ?

I would like you to try this once. May the year 2021 bring happiness,good health,peace and prosperity in your life. Stay safe and stay blessed always !

HOW TO ACHIEVE BIG IN LIFE

Why are some people highly successful in life whereas most of the people are not.Highly successful people must  be thinking, knowing and doing something different. 

Today I’ll discuss what leads to success. I gathered this information by reading lots of books like Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki, also reading and listening success stories of highly successful and influencial people.These are as much as inspiration and motivation for me as for you.

  1. Don’t wait for perfect opportunity but create that.For this you have to solve problem of people around you.Because the bigger problem you will solve the bigger opportunity you will create for profiltable business opportunity for yourself. Flipkart,Amazon, Jio are good example of this.

2. They tell themselves that they are like other people of world and they also failed so many times. In beginning then did not posses special talent but they work on  skills development on time ,prove themselves and their capabilities before people then only they could taste success.

3.Everyone has limited time no matters if you are rich or poor , every one in world has only 24 hours in a day and it depends on you how and where you utlise your limited time. Because if you waste your time in useless activities then your  future life will give you worries, hunger, povery. 

4. Buy assests with your hard earned money not liabilities. Once you invest in assests then you will have sufficient money to buy liabilities easily.Assests are those which bring money in your pocket e.g. successful bussineses,investment, property to rent. Liablities are those things which take away money from your pocket e.g. expensive cars,costly clothes,watches, mobiles etc.It is not that rich people only invest in assests and never spend on liabilities but they spend when they get huge amount from their assests then only they spend on liabilities.They don’t spend money from their pocket. But at the same time people with poor mentality spend their hard earned money on their liabilities.But they never think of investing in their assests that’s why they and their future generations do not get rich.So in my opinion you should shift your focus on increasing your assests and investment planning.

5. If in case you have to take loan then ensure to use this money to earn more then only it will be a good loan.e.g if you are taking loan to start a new business then it is good loan because after some time this business will help you pay off loan  and also help you to earn money three to four times . But if you take loan to buy new car, mobile etc then it will be a bad loan because these things will not help you to earn money but it will take away money from your pocket.Rich businessmen of world use this principle or strategy and take good loan to start their businesses then buy liabalities from money earned from assests.

6. They don’t depend on single source of income but generate multiple sources of income so that if in any case one source of income is closed then also they will not become poor. Every successful rich person has more than seven source of income so that poverty will not come near them.But at the same time poor mentality people don’t take risks that is why they depend on one source of income whole life. When coronavirus like pandemic  take away their single source of income then do not have another income to meet their daily expenses so rich mentality people do not commit this mistake. They plan their future smartly.

7. They don’t always work for money but have it work for them.In beging they do hard work and earn money but once they  have huge money , they  invest it smartly then they  will not have to work for money. Warren Buffett is using this golden princilple.At six years of age,Buffett purchased six packs of Coca–Cola for 25 cents and resold each bottle for nickel and earned five cent profit. At the eleven years of age he purchased three shares of Cities Service, this stock fell down over $27 per share, but he held this share for sometime then sold it at $40. He soon realized his mistake. Cities Service shot up $200. The experience taught him one of the basic lesson of investing i.e. Patience. Today his bank balance is huge due to his smart investments which is automatically increasing day by day.

 8. They have rich mindset. They do not blame people or situation.But they make themselves capable. I will share example of Elon Musk after the grand success of Paypal, Elon Musk wanted to go to space. He was also not Rocket Scientist neither he has Aerospace degree.So he went to Russia. Russian scientist were demanding huge money and his project was rejected. He came back to home but this did not stop him following his dream.He started reading space related and Rocket Engineering books and became capable. Without any degree of this field he could make his Rocket successfully.He started SpaceX and made it a successful company.SpaceX reached to Mars. It could be possible because he did not blame people or situation but made himself capable.

9. Dhirubhai Ambani was not highly educated ,he  did not have any business degree but still he became the owner of biggest Petroleum company with in ten years he became one of the richest man of India. He did not ran after logic because this logic tells you that you do not have education, do not have degree,you come from a small town, you are not smart enough but on the other hand  self belif ,dedication and passion make you successful.Then highly qualified people work for you.

10. They do not tell their sad stories but with the help of their strong mental power they produce effective results.

11. They believe in themselves, read more books, use their intellect properly,they are men of values.They know that wealth come from society and go back to society. Ratan Tata is good example of this.

 These are few traits,attitude and mindset of highly successful people. I will appreciate you to share on comment section which trait you want to imbibe. 

PERFECTION IS DELUSION

We want to look perfect, talk perfect, wish to have perfect life, want perfect life partner ,perfect children and perfect body. Actually we want everything perfect.

Today I’ll discuss the  idea of perfection is delusion. No one on this earth is perfect as  perfection is the enemy of good. Let me ask you a question.

 Are you aware that the idea of perfection is causing suffering in your life? Just think about it.

You want to have perfect figure because you want to look like so and so. Have you ever noticed that this idea of perfectionism is an abductor of your joy. Sometimes the standard which fix for our self are unattainable or take long time to achieve it. Then we feel upset and get angry with our self. We’ll start comparing our self to someone else has pretty nose that I want, someone has successful career that I want, their children are settled and I want my children get married soon. Oh my God this dress is so cute, I can’t wear it because I have put on weight or I am so skinny and then you start blaming your body. Not only the girls and  women but men and boys are also effected with the idea of perfection. So many guys are going to the gym and even using steroids just to have six pack abs. What are we doing?

We harbor this fantasy  to the extend that we force our children or partner to achieve or behave in certain way . Do not steal happiness in your children’s life. Rather teach them to be happy in their own skin, tell them whatever they deserve will only be given to them if they accept themselves as they are and also motivate them to  take small ,small steps each day to improve their capabilities. Teach them to look at their life where they are doing good.

We are not acknowledging what we already have, what we really are and what we can do. But we  have been enslaved by the toxic idea of perfection. Here my suggestion is just focus who you are, celebrate your unique self, just be yourself, accept yourself  then self love will flourish with in you. So start your journey of self love.

You are human on this planet called earth . Each day you are learning new lesson. There is no short cut or set formula of success. If you remember when you start riding bike. You constantly adjust your position sometimes you shift your weight to right and then to left. There is no step by step process to ride a bike. The only way is to actually ride, fall, ride again and go on. Same goes with life, we should listen to our intuition and learn from previous experience and  improve constantly .Sometimes we  do not try something because we are not expert on it. Don’t let it stop you for doing enormous amount of good things you are capable of doing.

I want to challenge you to learn and practice how to look after yourself ,make yourself happier overcome your insecurities ,recognize your capabilities and utilize your full potential.

CAUSE OF OUR HAPPINESS

You might have noticed that many times we think that If I get this thing I will be happy, if this person speak nicely to me then I feel happy , If I get admission in so and so college then I will be happy or my child get good job or get married I will be happy, holiday in foreign land will make me happy. If we closely watch that cause of our happiness is revolving around person, place or thing.

Now the questions arise. what is happiness ?  How we can remain happy. I will share some tips which helped me to remain happy.

Suppose Maruti Suzuki Alto, Honda Amaze, Mercedes- Benz or Ferrari is your dream car. You worked so hard and now you able to own your dream car. Let me ask you a question, What was your feeling when you first drive that car ? And now think how did you feel after driving that car after one month, one year ,five years or more ? Did your feeling is same as it was on first day or changed little or you are aspiring for another car.If the car was the source of our happiness then why we are not feeling the same,why another brand has become our aspiration? Just think about it.

Let me give you another example.We all want to live in home of our choice.But many people are taking huge loans and also using their savings to buy a house of their choice. And now they own that house. The house is big and in good locality and everyone is happy to visit their home. They are feeling on top of the world. But if some of them fail to pay installments then living in that house will give them same happiness as it was on the first day of owning that house.

No It can’t be same. It is normal that sometimes just to impress others or just to be like others ,we make certain mistakes. The person who is unable to pay huge installments can not be happy. Now this house is the cause of his unhappiness. I am not saying that you should not buy your dream car, home or take loans. What I want to tell you is that do not attach your happiness in particular car or house. Dream big and work smart to achieve it but do not attach your happiness with it.

Sometimes we think if our boss ,friend or family member talk or behave nicely with us then we will be happy.We think that this person is the cause of our happiness. In fact it is not true.But our  feelings are the reflection of thoughts  we think about them and also the vibration we share with them. If we like that person we feel happy in his or her company.But when our thoughts about them changes whatever may be the reason then we start feeling unhappy in their company.

Our thoughts changes our vibration. Our happiness or unhappiness is the outcome of that.So if we want to be happy we should not run after the person ,place or thing and beg them to make us happy. No one can make us happy. But happiness is inside us.

LEARN NOT TO COMPLAIN AND BLAME OTHERS

Have you ever noticed that we like to pretend that someone is at fault,we like to blame other people and we like to be victim.Now the question arises, 

Why we complain or blame others ? and 

What should we do ?

Actually we are conditioned this way since childhood. When a child learns to start walking and he fell down.Then the child start crying. We immediately pick him and then start hitting the chair,table or floor. Right, Now the child stop crying. We tell the child that chair or table is at fault that’s why we are hitting this object. This is the first time in our childhood we learn to put blame on others. Then we start blaming  our siblings or friends.When we grow up we blame our parents,  partners,education system,government or even society.

Now the question arises what should we do ? First of all we need to understand that we all make small or big mistakes.It is okay.The decision you make after that matters most. What most people  do is , Either they cave in and suffer because of the conditions of their life or blame other people and make them responsible for your suffering.In my opinion these two  approaches are not good.

Rather we should accept the conditions  as they exist.  It is also fact that one mistake is not your entire life.You are capable of much more . So ,Stop crying and be volunteer victim but take charge of yourself and learn from your mistake and move on.And try not to repeat the same mistake again and again. Now decide what should be written in next chapters of your life book. And try  to make it inspiring .Take actions in this regard.

Sometimes children blame that their parents did not gave them good life.Now you are not kid, you are grown up.Do not let this thought ruin your whole life. And  take action with a thought that whatever happened ,is happened , now nothing will stop me.  You have cell phone and internet. See what  most of you are doing ,active on social media,right  there are people who are making millions and billions of dollars using phone , computer and internet. I ask you to think about it.

Remember one thing that your own thoughts controls your destiny.If you are feeling helpless, hopeless then you need to change your toxic belief system. Take charge of your destiny as you are accountable of your life . Change your thinking pattern ,Read good books ,join courses ,learn new skills and take the help of experts .You must do something to come out it.

Be strong enough to tell the world I’ll make mistake but I’ll take the responsibility, Learn from it and move on.Take ownership of your life.So what are you waiting for. Take charge of your life.Instead of crying, blaming others but hold yourself accountable. Get up and create difference in your life and be best version of yourself.

These are the few tips which I use whenever any situation come and this helped me a lot. I’ll appreciate if you share your tips which helped you to overcome this habit. 

HOW TO ACCEPT YOUR SELF AND ACCEPT OTHERS

If you want to live happily then accepting others is equally important as accepting your self. Start from yourself. Follow your heart  and do the things which you really love doing.No Comparison and no negative self talk. Accepting means acknowledging where you are right now. You are made up of good things and not so good things.That’s okay.

One thing you have to keep in mind that you should  not be people’s pleaser  because it takes away  lots of your energy and time.

And some time we are worrying about so many things. Worrying also take up our valuable time and decreases our efficiency.

Practice some kind  physical routine and do meditation. Eat and drink well. Sit down and close your eyes,no interaction with outer world,observe your breath and calm your mind.

Be kind to yourself and find out what you really want from your life and take actions to achieve the purpose of your life. Every small steps  each day will give you a sense of accomplishment and will boost your confidence. And do not forget to reward yourself.Apply this in other fields of your life as well.

We can not live without society.Either we are living with family,friends, living alone, at work place or any place we come in contact with people and sometimes we are uncomfortable and do not gel with their behaviors which creates lots of problems in our life. If it is a serious problem then we should take the help of others. And if the person is important and the problem is not so serious then accepting others will create peace in your life. Every one is in journey called life. They have their own  low and pain moments.

Don’t force your way of life on others if you are disagree on something  just convey your message and move on . Don’t check whether they are doing as per your expectation or not. It will only give you pain.

If you are hurt with their behavior, it can also be your behavior’s  pressure is making them uncomfortable and loosing their confidence. Try to live in empathy.

Instead of focusing their negative points,start focusing on their positive points. Just convey your message and spend your  time  in executing your own stuff.It may be learning new skill,following your hobby or starting another source of income. Because your time is valuable,your peace is important,you are important and so are they.

Don’t waste your time in judging yourself and feeling bad about yourself. Do meditation and learn to calm down. Fill love and happiness in your life and spread in other’s life.

Let me sum up for Accepting yourself you should

  1. Spend time with yourself

2.       Create lifestyle you actually love

3.        Celebrate your uniqueness

4.       Avoid self hatred thoughts

5.      Be organized

And for Accepting  others

  1. Accept people are different

2.       Don’t jump into argument

3.       Understand the pain in their life.

4.       Your way of right may not be other’s right

5.        Zero expectations from others

Now pay attention to yourself  and ask yourself a question. Are you really accepting the people as they are ? Are you accepting yourself ? The more I used these above points in my life more I have started accepting myself and also started understanding and accepting others as well. I’ll appreciate if you share some different tips.

How to stay focused

During our childhood or ever later stage of our life we must have  heard so many times focus on your studies or focus on your work.During my childhood I was used to listen this word . Every one was saying focus  on this and focus on that but no body was telling me how to focus. Because when I was doing some work which was very important for me according to them ,I could not concentrate. I do not know  why but I was carried away in lots of other things.Then people started yelling at me, see I told you to do this, look what you have done ,I told you so many times to focus but you are such a mess. I was like, what is wrong with them,why they always decide what should I do ?

Let me ask you a questions, Are you really focused ? What you do to remain focused? As I told you earlier I was not focused but later I worked on my self  and here I will share some tips which help me to stay focused.

  1. Write down one important thing :-

If we know the purpose of our life or what is really  important for me right now. Write down on a piece of paper then think what you can do to achieve this goal. If you are a student then study should be your focus. Similarly you can choose one thing really important for you. And plan properly how you are going to achieve it.

2. Real and serious problem :-

When you start thinking or writing about this then automatically your mind will focus on lots of problems happening in your life. Then you have to decide what is real or serious problem of your life. If you do not tackle this then you life will be a great mess.And to solve this problem your undivided attention is required. Then deal this problem immediately.

And then you can decide about the other problems of your life which are not so important can be taken care of later or you can take the help of others to deal with it. There will be problems in your life which should be ignored or taken care of later.

We should also take into considerations that we are the creator of our own life. If I want to achieve something or get out of some problem then first and foremost I have to decide What I really want ?  how my life would be after achieving this goal ? What are the actions required ? What should I do to stay focused to achieve this goal ?

3. Disconnect yourself from your daily rituals :-

Sometimes you are so overwhelmed and you can’t decide what is really important for you .Then you need to disconnect yourself from daily rituals. In my opinion you should give yourself one or two hours each day or may be one day of every week as per your convenience. I give myself one day every week and that day is Sunday. On that day I do not do those things which I usually do from Monday to Saturday. I just lay down on my  couch or just sit in my balcony and observe where my mind is going.Then after some times my mind gives me more ideas to deal with the situation because on Sunday I am less simulated.

4. Do one thing at a time :-

Sometimes we have so much things to do and we are clueless and end up doing so many things and finish none. Lots of our time and energy is wasted in it. If we divide tasks on the basis of  urgent,very important, important , not so important or can we done later. Then we can choose the urgent task first and finish it and later take another task of the list. This way you will be less overwhelmed and more productive.

5. Allocate time :-

If we break task in parts and allocate time to complete each part. Then we will be able to finish most difficult task easily. Time allocation is important because if we know in this time period we have to finish this job. Then we’ll give full attention to complete it.

6. Write down distractions :-

Getting lost on social media, never leaving comfort zone, sitting all day doing nothing, over analyzing everything, aiming at perfections, not enough sleep etc. are few distractions which deviates us being focused. We should avoid them completely while doing any task.

 I was overwhelmed by these distractions. Now I keep my phone on silent mode while doing any important task and turned off all notifications which was distracting me .Earlier I used to check each notification while doing important task and  used to carried away and wasting my much time just scrolling things.

While doing any task I do not spend my time on social media but in evening I catch up with my friends on social media , watch YouTube videos, listen podcast and read blogs which benefits the purpose of my life.

I also made some life style changes which helped me to be organized and less over whelmed. As I go to bed early and try to start my day half an hour before my usual time.

7. Overthinking :-

Due to some thoughts we feel that it is  difficult to focus. But If we understand that I am the source of my joys and misery. Because I am recreating it again and again in my thoughts that happened in past. Sometimes we are anxious what may happen in future. We are suffering because we are not making good use of our memory and imagination.

Take charge of your physical body, mind and actions. Take charge what is in my mind is being decided by me. My responses, behavior and actions are controlled by me.

If We think past we will feel sad and if we think future then we will be anxious.We should train our mind to focus on present. Because present is the real moment of our life. So live in this moment and use your imaginations and create what you want to create.

8. Push yourself to take action :-

Sometimes we think and discuss a lot and when it is time to take action we start procrastinating. There will be hundred of valid reasons in our mind for not taking action.Now we need to really push our self to do the task and try to finish it in time line fixed for doing this task. If we remain consistent then we will feel confident and which will motivate us to do other tasks as well.

9. Positive Attitude :

When we overcome negative competitive state and replace it with positive competitive state then we will be able to focus better on the task which we are performing. If we compare our self with others that stuff is running us inside.Try to be better version of yourself by taking advantages of your strengths and overcoming your weaknesses.Take inspiration from others and learn from them.

Try to figure out what is that which will make your happy and suppose you have all that. Is that a guarantee that you will be happy ? No it is not. Because it is all a matter of your attitude.But when negative attitude overpower us then we start comparing our self with others and we go to level of extend and start complaining why God has given him so much and not me.If this kind of thoughts come we should immediately reject it and not harbor them.If we harbor these kinds of thoughts then our mind will be filled with negativity.And feeling of hatred will emerge in our mind.We should learn to cheer up our own thoughts.

You have the freedom to choose your attitude.If you choose positive attitude then you can focus well on all aspects of life.Because now your mind is free and calm which will help you to concentrate better and perform well in personal as well as professional life.

10. Create Strong will power :-

Will power is like a muscle as it can be exhausted as well as can be developed.Suppose you want to do any task and your body will resist but you desist that I will not. I will do it now. It may seem small thing but if you do it consistently then you will discover that will power has started increasing.

11. Practice Yoga & Meditation :-

 Yoga and meditation help in this regard. Because when we do this we need concentration. But our mind will start wandering as it is not enjoying it and want to think of usual problems or may do not want to come out of bed. But now the intellect controls the mind.Whenever your minds wanders you need to pull your mind back by using your power of self control.When you keep on doing this, very soon you will find your focus is increased.Focus developed in one area of life will help you to focus on all areas of your life.

12. Reward your self after every task :-

It is very important to reward our self after every task but we do not pay attention to give appreciation to us and most of the time we immediately jump into another activity. If we give our self reward it will give us sense of enjoyment . We should celebrate our each accomplishment no matter how big or small it would be. If you reward yourself by doing so you are not feeling grateful but also develop the sense of fulfillment which will help you to focus on other tasks as well.

13. Practice all everyday :-

If you want to focused and really  want to achieve the purpose of your life then you need to be disciplined, consistent and with calm mind practice this everyday.Focus will increase your creativity, visualization,self –reflection, enhance your learning and complex problem solving skills.

We should give all our attentions to one most important task at a given time. Then give that task laser sharp focus.Avoid distractions completely at a given point of time. Your undivided attention  will make the task excellent. Then reward yourself each time.This will help you to be focused all the time.